The Diagnosis

Got the call yesterday. I have cancer. It took 4 weeks of doctors going back and forth, including one biopsy and one ultrasound with promising outcomes. This time there’s no confusion though. Final answer: It’s cancer. Always has been.

My mind is reeling. It feels surreal. I thought it was cancer the whole time. The day the idiot radiologist told me it was just a cyst and canceled my mammogram, it felt wrong. Not enough for me to argue, of course. Thank the Lord my GP still insisted on a biopsy. When the biopsy from that one came back abnormal I wasn’t surprised, just worried. Then we waited to see Dr. Crooms, the amazing surgeon. I love him and everyone in his office. He insisted on another biopsy which he did right away. A frozen section from that came back negative for cancer. Online it says only 3-5% of frozen section biopsies result in false negatives. Unfortunately, I am in that group.

We had a few hours to digest the news, during which time we went to Abigail’s preschool Thanksgiving presentation. She proudly recited Ephesians 6:1-4, then did a vaguely offensive Native American dance and we ate Chik Fil A. It was perfect. I hope to have many more Thanksgiving feasts with both my baby girls.

Dr. Crooms asked us to come in and talk about the cancer. Our friend Shannon watched the kids (again), so we could concentrate on the findings. Too bad my mind is shot so I can’t concentrate on anything. Thankfully, Neenad Shah is helping and said he’ll do the thinking for me. He got me in with a local oncologist for Wednesday and is working on getting me into the Mayo clinic too. Neenad might not be a Christian, but he and Andrea are DEFINITELY gifts from God. I would be so completely lost and confused if I didn’t have them.

Anyway, Dr. Crooms confirmed our worst fears about the way things look, but I’m praying that in reality they’ll turn out to be better than that. He said with the size of the lump (7cm), and the apparent spread to lymph nodes it seems to be Stage 3. I’m getting PET scan Monday to see if it’s spread elsewhere, which would make it even worse.

I guess that’s it for now. I’ve been crying for 4 weeks now, no need to type about my feelings and start the waterworks again. Maybe later.

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