I wish I had this computer setup to type what I dictate, because there’s so much I want to spit out. But it’s not and I’m in a good amount of pain so will just update everyone.
As we were running out the door for the hospital I realized I was going to get scared and did a quick Google search for “Bible safety”. Some really nice but not applicable psalm came up and I didn’t have time to look for more. I put the computer down and ran to my room to grab something and noticed Psalm 4:8, which I have posted on the wall. ‘I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone O Lord make me dwell in safety.”. I was really encouraged by that because it used the exact term, ‘safety’ that I had on my heart, and was the type of encouragement I was looking for. When I did get scared later I recited it to myself.
Yaacov and Naomi kept me company all day. He was going to just keep the girls but at the last minute called the Wellmans who graciously went to Abi’s school to pick her up and watched her all afternoon. I know it was a big deal, especially because it could not have been later notice. It was so kind and I’m very grateful.
There was a lot of waiting for the surgery and all that was fine. Then it felt very sudden when the raced in and whisked me to the pre-op room without my amazing husband and precious baby. There was no time for a prayer or anything. The pre-op room is where I got scared and sad, but God helped me through it. I thought I held it together but must have been repressing it, because when they awoke me from the anesthesia I was sobbing and yelling, “my baby, my baby!” and a bunch of nurses ran over to distract and comfort me. On a normal day I would find this mortifying, but now it’s just par for the course. After I calmed down everyone went back to work like nothing had happened.
Surgery went well. Had a power port installed, which includes a foreign object of sorts in my chest (that’s the part that hurts and runs down my arm), and something in my neck. That part doesn’t hurt. Also got a marker in my tumor in case it gets so small during chemo that they can’t find it for the progress scans. Awesome problem to have!
I start chemo Monday, and as of now it appears I have no cancer in the brain. Hooray! He reigns!