One More Day Until Chemo

I’m freaking out about chemo and everything right now. I had a great weekend (I don’t think I mentioned yesterday that we had a dance party at church! In our pajamas!), and Yaacov and I just watched a movie, which is the first entertainment I’ve had since the diagnosis.

There were crummy parts to the weekend too and I’m having a hard time getting past them. We learned our Mayo visit won’t be covered by insurance, which is okay except that means Texas definitely wouldn’t be, and I thought we’d get into a clinical trial there. Even with massive fundraisers it wouldn’t be possible to pay out of pocket for all the treatment and whatnot to be done there. And I took off some of my bandages from the surgery and I literally have holes in my neck and chest. Anyone walking by can see them. This is seriously happening. I can feel the tube in my neck when I cough, and when I laugh it feels all gurgly. This is really happening. God can still heal me but it probably won’t be before chemo. Before an earth-sized dose of hell.

Abi asked me last night how many days until we go to heaven and meet God and Jesus.

We’ll be okay. Somehow. Psalm 34:18 says “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” I guess I wish there was a due date in with that promise.

8 thoughts on “One More Day Until Chemo

  1. Erin,
    I had NO idea…my heart hurts for you and your family! I know God IS Good and he will continue to be by your side. My thoughts and prayers are with you all and will continue to be until you beat this cancer! Please let me know if I can EVER help you in anyway.
    Sending you lots of love – Nichole McCants and Family


  2. It is such a privilege to pray with and for you. Our prayers are heard and the name of Jesus is being glorified. In His Name I pray that your fears be cast away and that His peace – that passes all understanding – would fill your heart, mind and spirit. We love you and are crying out to HIm on your behalf.
    By His Grace,
    “The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.”
    Ex. 14:14


  3. I live in Virginia and I am a cousin of Shannon Pifer. I just wanted you to know that i will be praying for not only a complete healing, but also for the presence of God to be with you and your family during this time. I pray that every day He would reveal new aspects of his character, and that the love of God would be overwhelming in your life.

    Blessings every minute of every day,


    “I have set the Lord continually before me, because He is at my right hand i will not be shaken”. Psalm



  4. Erin, someone pointed you out to me in church today, so I prayed for you across the sanctuary during church. I want to meet you one day šŸ™‚ You are in my thoughts and prayers this week as you take this next step. My Granny is 89 and lives in North Carolina, she spends most of her day praying and reading her Bible, so I am passing along your requests to her. So please add NC to your growing list.

    I'm praying that God would protect your mind and heart as you endure trials of many kinds, so that you can hear the peaceful voice of God amidst all the other voices that must be swirling around you.

    Thanks for your honesty in your writing.


  5. My friend Christine Samaan shared a request for prayer for you.I was diagnosed with stage 3a Melanoma when my third child was 3 1/2 months old. Your journey is ever so familiar. Do you qualify for a paid clinical trial where all care related to treatment is covered? I have known a few cancer patients who are personal friends who participated in trials and did not have to pay for the care/treatment etc. I will be praying for you and yours on this journey. Our God is faithful and trustworthy. Blessings from a sister in Christ and the battle against cancer. Sarah Tew


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