Today’s the day! This is it. No turning back, but I wouldn’t want to anyway. I feel SO much better about everything today. I somehow lost my focus over the weekend and got caught up in worldly things that don’t matter. By yesterday morning I felt dead inside. I woke up telling God that I’m just a kid, and this was too much of a burden for me. Then He reminded me this is the same age Jesus was when He ministered to everyone, then took on all the sins of the world. How dare I complain about my petty issues?
We’ve been praying a bit about how to thwart satan in his tracks. Ephesians 6 gives us some clues, but it feels like often when I leave him a foothold I can’t figure out a practical way to get it back. Obviously I shouldn’t let him in in the first place, but it happens. Regardless, God brought me out of it in a very different way than usual–PEOPLE! Instead of crawling into a hole of depression like I wanted to, the events of the day required me to be around lots of supportive and loving people. It culminated with our fellowship group having a special night discussing cancer. I left with no fears, no feelings of mourning, no tears. Chemo is the next step in my healing process. The next chapter of the amazing life God has blessed me with. And even if I don’t always feel His presence in times of trouble (Ps 46:1), He is with me and set up my days to help me through them.
As I prepare for what I thought of as “dooms day” just 24 hours ago, I will rejoice in this place as it is and will be filled with joy instead of mourning. I am so blessed to have the opportunity for good treatment, people to take care of my family and me in these times of need, and prayers from various parts of the entire world. I will praise His name despite my circumstances, today, tomorrow and beyond.
“Let everything that has breath praise the Lord.” Ps 150:6