The fight

Yesterday I called Abi’s school to tell them she was sick, and the woman who answered knew my story. She just finished chemo herself and encouraged me to, “fight, girl, fight!”. I hung up serenely, rejoicing that the joy of the Lord is my strength, and agreeing silently about how hard I’ll fight when it’s time..

I had no idea that time was about to start. Within minutes of hanging up the phone, it started. The nausea, the pain, dizziness and exhaustion. I could barely lift my head or open my eyes, let alone continue playing Super Mom. It was particularly difficult because Abi was so sick and needed her mommy to be 100%. Just when I needed reinforcements my dad showed up. I expected Abi’s doctor appointment to take hours but it was quick. Naomi was so amenable all day that I was able to cuddle and rest with Abigail. It would have been a tough day if I was healthy, because Abi was about as sick as she’s ever been. If I was even one degree sicker, or didn’t have people who could help there’s just no way I could have done it. I feel like I did okay with the mental part of the fight, but it leaves me wondering about the physical part. Does fighting mean you don’t let yourself rest, just drag yourself around the world? Or do I rest so I can do better the next day? Sleeping doesn’t seem like fighting, but it sure seemed like what I needed yesterday.

I guess I need to pray more about how to behave during these fights. I feel much better this morning, but part of the issue is it’s all so unpredictable, so I need to ready for war at all times. I might not have learned how to fight yesterday, but I remembered what I’m fighting for. The bittersweet moments with my amazing family. Laying down, nose to nose, with Abigail–her crazy curls strewn about and her stinky breath blowing warmly into my face is the ultimate victory for any fight. I will pray for countless more moments like that.

Psalm 18:2 “The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.”

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8 thoughts on “The fight

  1. There is a part in Mass (so I am not sure if it is a Catholic part or not) where we say “just say the word and I shall be healed”… it seemed appropriate. Your faith that the Lord can just say the word and you shall be healed is amazing and I will continue to pray for just that for you!

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  2. Erin, with each passing day and each new hurdle, your testimony is becoming stronger. I am sorry for the physical and emotional pain you are experiencing and am praying for you each time the Lord brings you to mind. I believe that you WILL see the power of the Lord during this trial, and He will be glorified through you. Stay strong, my dear sister in the Lord!

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  3. If your body is telling you to rest, then rest. Our bodies need it to heal from the normal wear and tear of a day and yours needs extra. Take the time, without guilt, so your body can continue the fight.

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  4. Erin, sweetie, rest when you can, sleep when you can. It's God's way of healing you. Know we love you and I put you on our church prayer list last night………..brothers and sisters are bombarding heaven in your name. We serve a Mighty God that we can call on Him anytime and anyplace!!! Thank You Abba Daddy.
    Praying tomorrow is a better day for you and Abi

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  5. E,

    As someone who has continued to struggle with the very concept of rest, I have found the following to be helpful reminders:

    Then he said to them, “The Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath. (Mark 2:27)

    It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep. (Psalm 127:2)

    Many prayers and much love your way, sister,

    -Justin

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  6. Erin, You do not fight alone. An army of your siblings are fighting with you. He is giving us all special reminders throughout the day to fight on your behalf and on behalf of the joy, blessings and eternal splendor He is creating through you, your gorgeous family, and through us in this war. Fight for “normal,” fight for rest, fight for love. ~Mary C. xxxxoooo

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