How do tears fall without eyelashes?

I’ve tried really hard not to focus on the vain aspects that go with cancer and chemo, but the time has come and I’m consumed by them. I pray for total, supernatural healing, but let’s face it, if God wants to sustain me for many years on chemo, that would still be an enormous blessing. Unfortunately, that would mean spending the rest of my life without hair. Or eyebrows. Or eyelashes. It’s all off-putting, but there’s something just so ridiculous about having no eyelashes during the crummiest part of your life. Eyelashes serve a purpose–to protect your eyes. Seriously, God? THIS is the time of my life that I don’t deserve an eyelash to direct my tears?!!

As I write I realize that this is all part of it. If cancer was easy it wouldn’t be an issue. But I got word that I do have the mutant jewish gene, BRCA1, that caused the cancer, and I will soon look like a mutant on the outside to match. Recommendations because of that gene are to have my ovaries and breasts removed (combined with the hormones this will make me look like a round ball), and of course I’ll be bald. I know I can still be beautiful on the inside, but who cares if I look like that gross bald monster from the Fantastic Four on the outside? And God definitely knows I don’t have the personality to pull off looking like that. I don’t have the personality to pull off looking like I do NOW!

As always, God is teaching me, growing me, stretching me. I know before even posting this that the answer about my tears is in various parts of the Bible. One example is that “The Sovereign LORD will wipe away the tears from all faces; he will remove the disgrace of his people from all the earth.” Isaiah 25:8. I also know that He doesn’t want me to live in sackcloth and ashes, so I don’t need to be crying all the time. I need to be rejoicing about the amazing things He has done and will be doing in my life and in yours.So, I’m going to take off my sackcloth now and stop mourning for myself. Time to put on some makeup and my big girl pants. I have some living to do.

Ecclesiastes 3:14-15 says, “I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that men will revere him. Whatever is has already been, and what will be has been before; and God will call the past to account.

9 thoughts on “How do tears fall without eyelashes?

  1. allow me to be the first to post that you are absolutely beautiful. and you know that I am a weirdo and stare a lot, so I am telling the truth. and when all your hair falls out, we will find some totally fashionable scarves and hats and play dress-up. and you will still be beautiful. because you are God's light, His lamp, His vessel. And that will always shine out, no matter if you look like a ball.
    love you, lady.


  2. Hi Erin,
    I am an old coworker of Caroline Fleischer's and I saw your blog on her Facebook. I sat at my laptop last night with a cup of coffee and found myself mesmerized by your story…one minute I cried and the next I laughed. Truly, God has blessed you with raw talent in sharing your story with others. As women, none of us are immune to the diagnosis of breast cancer. I have had 3 scares myself and please know your story has inspired me to stay on top of getting my 6 month mammograms. You have inspired me to get back in touch with my spirituality, my relationship with God and myself. Please know, you are making a difference in the lives of others, people you don't even know. I hope you continue to share your story. You have prayers coming from this Georgia girl. Keep the faith! Natalie


  3. Erin, all those negative changes will only serve to accentuate your beautiful cheek bones and smile, not to mention your incredible spirit. Your post reads like a Psalm, as you express the full range of emotions but finish with faith and trust in your Lord and Savior. Beautiful.

    I've been thinking a lot about the call of God to be relational, but the desire of the flesh to turn inward at times like this. And I can totally get why you might wan to turn inward, because we sinful humans so often fail miserably in how we love. We say really dumb things, or things that may have truth to them, but that you aren 't ready for yet, or we make you the object lesson of our own spiritual growth. I just want to say I'm so very sorry for all the awful, absurd things that I and others will say through this trial. I pray that God would quickly melt away the unhelpful comments but the ones from Him, that bring Him glory, would endure in your heart and sustain you.

    Praying for you continually, dear one.


  4. Erin,
    I saw your blog on Lauren Garrett's page, and after reading that one post, I stayed up in bed & started from the beginning of your posts. I cried & laughed, and haven't been able to stop thinking about you, or stop praying for you since.

    I work in a breast care clinic, and I see every Wed, women come back for their results from the prior weeks biopsies. It is devastating to me to see their smiling happy faces come in and to see them leave either in shock, disbelief, or tears.

    You have an incredible gift, of sharing a very personal, difficult time in a truthful and endearing way. Your faith is inspiring. Please know that many prayers a day are going up to heaven for you & your beautiful family. God Bless you Erin!


  5. Oh, Erin, you ARE beautiful on the outside as well. Your smile is your best feature, and that will overshadow any superficial changes you have to endure. Just do your best to keep your body nourished and fit to fight this cancer beast! You are surrounded by HIS angels and the love and prayers of many, many people!!


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