Thanks to all for the prayers, support and encouragement. It really helps and I wanted to update everyone as much as possible…
I realize plenty of you might think I’m about to die. You might think I’m crazy because I think the matter is still open. However, I’m still alive and am not going anywhere. Nothing changed in Texas, there were actually a few positives. For one, we found a third doctor who agreed with the treatment I’m receiving. That’s apparently unheard of. For another, I have the blessing of a closed door. I don’t have to consider going back there, making the decision of switching treatments or doctors, etc.

So, the case about men finding a cure for me is closed. In less than two months I’ve gone from thinking I’m fully healthy to being told time and again that I am about to die. I don’t accept that though. I embrace that as evidence that no one on earth has the power to heal me. What I hear is actually these learned men declaring, “I have nothing for you. Don’t put your faith in me. I am worthless, go elsewhere.”  They are right about that, and I’m so grateful for the discernment. I don’t need to get confused about who to trust or follow. My guy says, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”(John 8:12)

I have spent a lot of time over the past few months praying for God to tell me if He will heal me before I die or wait until after. I believe He has officially confirmed His answer–His lips are sealed. Until now I have found this issue of not knowing to be the worst part, but I’m peaceful about it now.

I have peace about this silence for a few reasons. For one, throughout history God has been silent for our own good. He didn’t tell Job that he’d suffer for a given length of time then heal him. He let him suffer, watched his response, then restored him. He told Abraham He’d be the father of nations, but didn’t tell him how that would pan out. Again, Abraham’s belief in the promise was credited to him as righteousness. Even Jesus, who was all God and all man cried out for release from his circumstances and said God forsook Him, but again the all-knowing father didn’t just tell him how it would work out. Finally, Mark 13:32 reminds us that God doesn’t tell anyone, even His son, when heaven and earth will pass away. So, I do not blame God for leaving little old me without answers.

Mark 13:32-36 clarifies that we cannot know when the end will come because the unknown will keep us alert. This is a reason I believe He is keeping me from knowing what is going on. If I knew I’d be healed soon I might lose focus on Him, and if I knew I was about to die I’d probably stop spreading His word to go inward. Plus, He has to see how I will handle all this. If I knew I’d be healed next month I would be able to handle this situation with such grace and ease. Wow, I would be amazing!

The truth is, I can’t change God’s mind. Romans 9:15 and Mal 1:2-3 says, “I will have mercy on whom I have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion”. However, time and time again Jesus told us to bring our requests to Him so that’s what I’m doing. And I do know He will heal me, it’s just that it could be on earth or it could be when I’m fully restored in heaven.

In the end, God has opted not to tell me what will happen today, tomorrow, next year, or in the next decade. That’s okay. He’s watching my response and that is something I can foresee: I will act in faith, I will pursue Him, try to please Him, and praise His name until my last day.

11 thoughts on “Summary

  1. FB “like” – I couldn't have said it any better. Well done! You go girl! Take that Satan! Great running into you & your beautiful girls. It warms my heart that you look so good & are still SUPERMOM!


  2. Wow!, Erin, you are nothing short of amazing. Thank you for sharing your story because you are truly inspiring every single person who reads your words! It is obvious God is working through you.


  3. Erin, I am in awe of the quiet confidence and profound wisdom of last night's post! You ARE an amazing woman OF FAITH and, one way or another, God WILL be glorified through that. I continue to pray for a miraculous healing, if that be HIS will. If not, I pray that your faith will lead to the salvation of some, and restoration of others. Bless you!!!!!


  4. What we do or say now, practicing the continual presence of God in our lives at this very moment, has more meaning and importance than what we did in the past, or what we will do or be in the future.
    Love you, Uncle Jamison


  5. Erin, Thank you for pouring you heart out and touching us in the process. Our Lord and Savior's light shines brightly through your beautifully expressed thoughts. With God's love in my heart for you and your family I say, Keep blogging and blessing!!


  6. Well said! You are quite an amazing woman of God! I will be reading this post many more times because there is so much there. I'm so glad you are growing in your faith and not the opposite! I'll keep praying for you!


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