Thanks to all for the prayers, support and encouragement. It really helps and I wanted to update everyone as much as possible…
I realize plenty of you might think I’m about to die. You might think I’m crazy because I think the matter is still open. However, I’m still alive and am not going anywhere. Nothing changed in Texas, there were actually a few positives. For one, we found a third doctor who agreed with the treatment I’m receiving. That’s apparently unheard of. For another, I have the blessing of a closed door. I don’t have to consider going back there, making the decision of switching treatments or doctors, etc.
So, the case about men finding a cure for me is closed. In less than two months I’ve gone from thinking I’m fully healthy to being told time and again that I am about to die. I don’t accept that though. I embrace that as evidence that no one on earth has the power to heal me. What I hear is actually these learned men declaring, “I have nothing for you. Don’t put your faith in me. I am worthless, go elsewhere.” They are right about that, and I’m so grateful for the discernment. I don’t need to get confused about who to trust or follow. My guy says, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”(John 8:12)
I have spent a lot of time over the past few months praying for God to tell me if He will heal me before I die or wait until after. I believe He has officially confirmed His answer–His lips are sealed. Until now I have found this issue of not knowing to be the worst part, but I’m peaceful about it now.
I have peace about this silence for a few reasons. For one, throughout history God has been silent for our own good. He didn’t tell Job that he’d suffer for a given length of time then heal him. He let him suffer, watched his response, then restored him. He told Abraham He’d be the father of nations, but didn’t tell him how that would pan out. Again, Abraham’s belief in the promise was credited to him as righteousness. Even Jesus, who was all God and all man cried out for release from his circumstances and said God forsook Him, but again the all-knowing father didn’t just tell him how it would work out. Finally, Mark 13:32 reminds us that God doesn’t tell anyone, even His son, when heaven and earth will pass away. So, I do not blame God for leaving little old me without answers.
Mark 13:32-36 clarifies that we cannot know when the end will come because the unknown will keep us alert. This is a reason I believe He is keeping me from knowing what is going on. If I knew I’d be healed soon I might lose focus on Him, and if I knew I was about to die I’d probably stop spreading His word to go inward. Plus, He has to see how I will handle all this. If I knew I’d be healed next month I would be able to handle this situation with such grace and ease. Wow, I would be amazing!
The truth is, I can’t change God’s mind. Romans 9:15 and Mal 1:2-3 says, “I will have mercy on whom I have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion”. However, time and time again Jesus told us to bring our requests to Him so that’s what I’m doing. And I do know He will heal me, it’s just that it could be on earth or it could be when I’m fully restored in heaven.
In the end, God has opted not to tell me what will happen today, tomorrow, next year, or in the next decade. That’s okay. He’s watching my response and that is something I can foresee: I will act in faith, I will pursue Him, try to please Him, and praise His name until my last day.