I was in a Bible study this morning and the speaker mentioned 2 Thessalonians 3-4, “We ought always to thank God for you, brothers and sisters, and rightly so, because your faith is growing more and more, and the love all of you have for one another is increasing. Therefore, among God’s churches we boast about your perseverance and faith in all the persecutions and trials you are enduring.” She posed the questions, “How has your faith grown lately? What evidence is there that your faith has changed?” My iniitial thought was that my faith has grown a ton and the evidence is all the people who’ve been moved by this situation.
Then God reminded me that none of that is true. I am depending on Him because I HAVE to. I don’t have the luxury of choosing to trust Him or the doctors, because the doctors are telling me they have nothing worth trusting. I mean, I want to trust Him anyway, but I can’t say I definitely would if the situation was different. And the truth of all this ticks me off. Even though I’m physically doing well, I still feel like I’m going through hell. I’m furious at myself that I still can’t get it together. Still haven’t learned what I need to. Still am not the Christian I should be. Not the woman I should be. Not the mother I should be. Or the wife. The chef. Even the housekeeper.

If this journey doesn’t get me where I need, what will it take?  I will keep trying no matter what. 2 Thess 3:13, “And as for you, brothers and sisters, never tire of doing what is good.”

On another note, I’m really excited for tomorrow’s PET scan. No matter the results, it’s in God’s hands and I trust Him fully. But I still can’t wait to see what happens. Thankfully His awesomeness does NOT depend on my awesomeness, and it never will.

5 thoughts on “Tomorrow!

  1. My Bible study ladies meet tomorrow at 10 am central time. Not sure what time your PET scan is, but we plan to pray together for evidence of healing!! YOU are an inspiring woman. Thank you for being so generous during such a difficult personal time.

    With kindness,


  2. Praying for you and the PET scan results! Though I have not met you, I check back almost daily on my fellow Tallahassee mom who I see bravely growing in her faith and dependence on God. I pray for a PET scan result which will accurately guide the best course of treatment and and lead to complete healing.


  3. You say you are furious with yourself and you are not who you should be. Those sentiments do not come from God. They come from the enemy, and they are lies meant to distract you.
    You are loved with an everlasting love. You are holy, blameless and above reproach in His sight. You are justified by His blood, by grace an by faith without deeds. Your competence comes from God. All that believe are justified from all things.
    Speak this out loud. Find more scripture and say about yourself what God says about you. You don't know what the future will bring, but you know who you are in Christ. You are beautiful and justified and loved just as you are.


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