I am a schmuck

I am SUCH a schmuck. I just typed three long paragraphs about how miserable I am, eloquently displaying my torturous life and all the problems  have. Poor, poor me! I only stopped because I realized I might sound a little suicidal so might need to reword a few things.

Thank the good Lord, I re-read that nonsense. What is my problem? Nothing has changed since a few months ago when I blogged that I am the most blessed person I know. Nothing, except that AFTER that He heard my prayers and HEALED me!

I can almost hear God sighing, “Really, Erin? That wasn’t enough for you? You want every day to be perfect and painless? You could have had that. IN HEAVEN, where you begged me not to send you. Because you loved your life on earth so much.”

Every day I complain to Abigail that she asks for too much. The second she gets a special treat or something she’s asked for, she wants more, or something better, or different. “Can I have a cookie?” I hand it to her and as she’s chewing she asks for another. I sigh loudly each time and act like I’ve never heard of someone so ungrateful, with such a short memory. I suppose this is another reason God made me a mother–to help me realize what I put Him through.

So…knowing how annoying I am doesn’t necessarily mean I’ll change it. But I will try. When I start to complain (in my head, heart, or with my voice), I will rejoice instead. I’m trying to memorize Psalm 34. Verses 1-3 say, “I will extol the Lord at all times; his praise will always be on my lips. My soul will boast in the Lord; let the afflicted hear and rejoice. Glorify the Lord with me; let us exalt his name together.”

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2 thoughts on “I am a schmuck

  1. Dear Erin, Your honesty blesses me so much! No reason to be anything but honest, right? Maybe you would consider going one verse further..vs 4 “I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.” I know a tune to this verse, we sang it in our church in NC. Maybe I could share it with you sometime, as long as you hear it as a “joyful noise”!!

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  2. SO TIMELY. Just had this frustration yesterday with one of my children who was wanting more, more, more. Then realized last night that I'm just the same. God is so good for opening my eyes to this! Thanks for sharing.

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