I just got a call back from Dr. Rassam’s office. He said to tell me that my loss of smell is likely from the Taxol and won’t necessarily ever come back. Oh, and that, “we’ll continue to watch it”. What is there to watch? It is gone. Gone. Not desensitized, etc. With a few exceptions I haven’t smelled anything at all for days. During the exceptions I had very brief moments of smelling something, then it was gone as fast as it returned. Thankfully the last thing I smelled was Naomi’s sweet baby head. I’m so glad I got to smell her once more, no matter how it ends. But I’ve already forgotten the smell. I remember the moment but can’t recall the scent.
God can redeem me from this, too. I’m not going to get all bent out of shape about it (I type as I wipe away those stupid tears that tend to betray me). It makes me wonder more if I should quit chemo though. I mistyped the other day when I said there were 6 more rounds–there are really 7. My taste is barely here, will it be completely gone if I keep getting the drugs? If I believe God healed me is it a lack of faith to continue with the drugs? Or is it foolish to go against my doctor’s advice? ARGH!!!
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” Philippians 4:6
Originally this post had a request for people’s input right here. I think I’ve made the decision now though so more info would probably burst my brain. Thanks for the input I got though, and I’ll post my decision soon.
“Even to your old age and gray hairs…I am He who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you.” Isaiah 46:4