I just wrote half this blog, pressed the wrong button, and lost it all. Usually I would take that
as a sign that I’m being too bold, too pushy. Not this time. This time I feel there is a reason the enemy doesn’t want me to spit out what’s in my heart. So I will carry on…
If you didn’t already think I was crazy, you probably will after this post. That’s okay, I am no longer trying to serve men, but I serve God instead (Galatians 1:10). I have a new prayer request that is bolder than any I’ve prayed before. The good news is that our God is bigger than what I realized before! There is no limit to His power, but only a limit to our perception of Him. He created me, my ancestors, and my DNA. Now I am asking Him for evidence that He has CHANGED my DNA. I have been praying about whether He might want me to pray for my genetic mutation to be gone, and whether I should have a test done to confirm it. As soon as I forgot about it, a bunch of doors opened and I have found myself in a great spot to get a new genetic test done–for free, no hassle, no worries.
I am aware that this could be a set up–a snare by the enemy to make me look like a fool. Bad results could discourage me and cause me to lose focus. That’s why I need prayer. I need to make sure it is His mighty will for the test to be performed, and that I should be praying for proper, BRCA negative genes. Ps 25:21, “May integrity and uprightness protect me, because my hope is in you.”
Here are my thoughts: My doctors still want me to have my ovaries removed, and I’m extremely resistent to this. If I’m not BRCA positive, they won’t care nearly as much about that. And, honestly, it would help me be more comfortable in my refusal to have them removed. More importantly, if God removed the genetic mutation from my body, there is no way my girls would have that mutation. When they turn 18 they wouldn’t have to be concerned with those tests and deciding what to do about potential results (it would be recommended for them to have prophylactic mastectomies, ovary removal, and hormone therapy very early on). Finally, and MOST importantly, I do believe God has answered my prayers of a total healing and forgiveness of the generational sin I think started it all. If so, it makes sense to me (can’t speak for God, of course), that the genetic mutation would be gone as well.
The more I pray for and attempt to minister to people who are in pain, the more convinced I am that we have not because we ask not (Luke 11:9), and because we do not believe He will answer us. People make really good arguments for not believing He will answer, but I can’t find those in the Bible. Instead the Bible is filled with promises that if you believe, He will answer! People see what they consider to be unanswered prayers and attempt to explain them away. Those become whispers and arguments against true belief (Gal 5:10, “The one who is throwing you into confusion will pay the penalty”). Those arguments are just fears though. Perfect love drives OUT fear! I don’t want to limit God by setting parameters on what I believe or expect Him to do. He is El Elyon, Sovereign over ALL!
So, that’s that. I plan to continue praying to ensure that my heart is aligned with His (James 4:3, “When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives…”), and in the meantime I will proceed with the test and pray for BRCA negative results. Obviously if it comes back negative this time the doctors will just say the first test was wrong, but we’ll still know…and they might start wondering a bit more…
“And I will do anything you ask in my name, so that the Son will bring glory to the Father. You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.” John 14:13-14