“Give thanks in all circumstances; <sup class="crossreference" value="(B)”> for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” 1 Thess 5:18
God is so good to me. I am so blessed, I cannot believe how much I whine about being tired or unhealthy. There are so many worse problems to have, and I HAVE BEEN MIRACULOUSLY HEALED. What else do I need?.But God puts up with me. He gently reminds me of His goodness instead of hitting me in the head with a frying pan. Or with a bullet, like all those people in Colorado. We were at the opening night show of Batman here–with just a few different life choices we could have ended up there instead–winding up dead, or desperately wounded, reminded constantly of what life had been like before. I read that the parents of a girl who died were praying that people would not lose their faith in God after this tragedy. Can you imagine having such grace, faith, and peace a day after your daughter was brutally murdered? I sometimes am too burnt out to wish I was like that, because I become fearful that He will put me in the circumstances that would make me like that. As if He would say, “You asked for it. Let’s see much do you really want to be like me.”
“The fear of the Lord <sup class="crossreference" value="(S)”> is the beginning of wisdom; <sup class="crossreference" value="(T)”>
all who follow his precepts have good understanding. <sup class="crossreference" value="(U)”>
To him belongs eternal praise. ” Ps 111:8<sup class="crossreference" value="(V)”>
Sometimes during cancer I felt like I’d brought it on to myself. Not because of eating too much sugar or other ridiculousness, but because of all my prayers to be refined, used, etc. I guess I still do feel that, but not as strongly. He chose me for the challenge, but I will never know why. They say faith is tested not to show God what you believe, but to show yourself and others. Maybe that’s all it was. My faith was tested, and ultimately strengthened, through it all. I’m not the same person now, and even today, as I struggle with exhaustion and am disappointed in a variety of my own behaviors, my “worst” is different than it was a year ago. I won’t dare to say it’s “better”, because I’m too tired to view it clearly and do not want to overstate it.
I have many issues to update everyone with, but a few will have to wait for more detailed posts. The important things are that, 2 months after surgery I’m looking and feeling good. Every professional who sees my wounds wants to know who did the surgery and commends Dr. Crooms on his awesome work. I’m still tender to the touch, and my upper back hurts, but they are the level of pain we all live with anyway. My radiated area just became burned and sore to the touch yesterday, and because it’s the weekend has had a chance to heal. This will be my last full week, so I imagine it’ll be a painful one, but there are only 7 more times total, so that’s fine. I’m getting the genetic testing done that I mentioned but the results won’t be in for 6-8 months. I got involved in a genetic (non-treatment) study, and if the Lord chose not to adjust my mutation, my adult relatives can get tested through them for free. So, it’s a win-win, especially because my cousin couldn’t convince her doctor to let her get tested. Apparently some doctors balk at testing when it comes before a diagnosis. Sort of undoes the point of genetic testing, if you ask me. But it’s expensive and different, I guess, so we shouldn’t expect anything else.
“And we boast in the hope <sup class="crossreference" value="(C)”> of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, <sup class="crossreference" value="(D)”> because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope <sup class="crossreference" value="(F)”> does not put us to shame, because God’s love <sup class="crossreference" value="(G)”> has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, <sup class="crossreference" value="(H)”> who has been given to us.” Romans 5:2-5
Finally, the girl we prayed for on 7/26, with the lung cancer got some good results–she is involved in a non-chemo clinical trial and her cancer has significantly decreased after just a few weeks on the treatment. So, thanks for the prayers and to our Amazing Lord!