This time last year…

It was November 18 last year, but I will always remember it on the day Abigail has her Thanksgiving Feast at school. It is November 16 this year. Today. Last year we were so excited–it was her first presentation/show ever. It was a Friday. Two days before I had gotten the call that my mass was NOT cancer. Finally, we could breathe easy! Time to enjoy the holidays!

About this time, 10:30 am, I got a call from my friend Nicole. We were chatting about how I didn’t have cancer when Dr. Crooms clicked in on call waiting. I didn’t recognize the number but I knew it was him. He had mentioned that the results of the permanent-section biopsy would be in on Friday. I hadn’t been worried, less than 5% of the initial biopsies are false negatives. He had no need to call and I didn’t expect him to. Unless there was bad news after all.

I knew as soon as I saw the number flash on the phone. My heart raced. I listened. I cried. I died a little inside. A lot, actually. I called Yaacov at work. Didn’t want to tell him over the phone but had to get him home in time to meet with Dr. Crooms to make a plan.

I had an hour to process it, then had to get my act together and go to the presentation. The Thanksgiving Feast. When things like this happen people usually report everything was a blur. It wasn’t. I was aware of every second that passed. I watched my little girl walk shyly in line with her class. Watched her hiding behind her friends, forgetting all the hand motions she’d practiced since September. Wondered how things would change. I didn’t know how bad it was yet, but knew I would go through life-altering treatments. Imagined how her fragile confidence would be shaken if her mommy wasn’t around to encourage her.

One year ago was the beginning. I didn’t always have strong enough faith to be certain of how it would end. It was hard. So hard. It’s still so hard, and my storm is over. But God helped me every second of every day. He sheltered me and yet I still remember the pain. If I didn’t have Him there is no way I could have made it through.

Philippians 3:4-11

[Paul said] though I myself have reasons for such confidence. If anyone else thinks he has reasons to put confidence in the flesh, I have more:  circumcised on the eighth day, of the people of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews; in regard to the law, a Pharisee;  as for zeal, persecuting the church; as for legalistic righteousness, faultless.  But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ.  What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ  and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ–the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith.  I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death,  and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.

I can finally say I am truly grateful for the experience. I have moments I still hate it. Hate the fact that there is always a twinge of fear for the cancer’s return. Hate my repulsive new body and that my hair looks like Corey from Boy Meets World. But my faith has grown enormously, and I value it more than ever. I don’t mean faith like just believing in God and His goodness. I mean faith like the actual act of believing in what cannot be seen. Believing that JESUS GAVE ME THE AUTHORITY TO MOVE MOUNTAINS (Mth 21:21). Believing not than “God Can” but that “God WILL”. Back then I thought I had to wait for God to assure me He would do something, and then He would. Now I know that TRUE FAITH is believing that the nature of Him is described in the Bible, and that believing He will do things that fit His nature is what we are called to do. It is a whole new element to my world, and it is more important than anything else I know. It took me 32 years of experience leading up to my miraculous healing, plus that whole journey to get it, and there is no other way I would have preferred to learn it.

Here’s to the Lord God Almighty. The maker of heaven and earth. Creator of you and me. He loves your soul, whether you love Him back or not. If you don’t, please consider it. Consider Him. It can be hard to believe, but even harder not to.

Romans 8:38-39

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers,  neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

After our death on earth we are all going to carry on for eternity. You can spend it in heaven with Him, or in eternal separation from Him. Hell. If you’re reading this it’s not too late. But tomorrow it could be. Only He knows the number of our days, and this could be your last chance. Once it’s too late it’s over. There will be no take-backs or do-overs. Love yourself enough to look out for your future. Love your family enough to do what it takes to spend forever with them and God. Love your friends enough to drag them off the path to hell and onto the narrow path of righteousness.

Romans 10:9-10

That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.  For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved.

Revelation 22:17

The Spirit and the bride say, “Come!” And let him who hears say, “Come!” Whoever is thirsty, let him come; and whoever wishes, let him take the free gift of the water of life.
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2 thoughts on “This time last year…

  1. Hi Erin,

    I love your testimony and wanted to encourage you to stand firm in your faith no matter what you feel or hear. God is faithful! He has not given us a spirit of fear- but of love, power and a sound mind. Any time fear rises up in your mind-put it in its place. Remind it who your daddy is and who your redeemer is and that when HE says something is so…it is SO!

    In August of 2013 I was diagnosed with stage 3 ovarian cancer. At first I was terrified and felt so alone but then the Lord showed me in a vision a strand of DNA and inside that strand of DNA was the “Tree of Life”. He was reminding me that HE is that Tree of Life living inside of me (and you and all who believe) and that I (we) was/are not alone and that He is faithful to heal and restore. He paid the price by His punishment (stripes) for our sins and broke the bondage that was over us from sin and the results of sin which is sickness and disease of every kind. His healing, restoring, renewing blood is mingled with ours. Don't be fooled by the enemy. It is not about putting faith in our faith – thinking God won't heal us because our faith is weak. Then we are not relying on God's faithfulness to heal us…we are relying on ourselves and our own faith to heal us. We need to simply trust God at His word and believe that HE is who He says He is and that HE will do what HE says HE will do…nothing more, nothing less. Sometimes we may have to wrestle with him just like Jacob did when he wanted God to bless him. We need to hang on to what we KNOW is true about God and not let go even though fear sometimes creaps in to try and rob us of our faith. We need to show God that we truly trust Him at His word and show that we are not letting go until we got our blessing (healing). Remember what happened to Jacob? God gave him his blessing but as a result he got a bad hip and he limped around for the rest of his life. I have had pain in my hip for a long time too…I consider it a gift from God now, for the wrestling I did with Him for my good report. Healing is not for a moment sis. When God gives a gift it is not half of a gift it is the WHOLE thing. The cancer is GONE – and it is not coming back! Believe it because God is FAITHFUL even when we are faithless. Hugs!

    Like

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