I can’t sleep. I’m having flashbacks of my trip to MD Anderson from last year. I just went back and read the blogs I wrote then (1/9/12) and can’t believe how upbeat I sounded compared to how I felt. The Lord really carried me through that awful time. I have thought a lot about it lately because, as I mentioned, my friend Alison went there for a consultation this Jan. 9. I thought it was really weird that out of 365 days, the Lord had her go the exact same day I went the year prior, so it’s been on my mind even more. Incidentally, her trip there went well. They didn’t offer any great surprises or news but agreed with the treatment she was on and approved of her current doctors, etc.
So, I’ve been thinking about that trip mostly because I recently realized that was the turning point for me. I had been forced to take in the realities of a terminal diagnosis and whatnot, but that horrendous meeting was the last straw in my precarious, man-made world. I was left so empty. So broken. So hopeless. I had held out so much hope that God would use that trip as a lifeline. I knew He could heal me any way but thought all the signs pointed to it being that way. It was that much more insulting with those hopes to show up there and be treated like garbage. Or, like litter. Garbage matters enough that one picks it up and takes it to a dumpster. Litter is more insignificant, left for the wind to carry off or destroy. I am so thankful that our Lord doesn’t see me like that though. That it wasn’t the wind, but the Lord God Almighty who lifted me up. And instead of destroying me like I deserved, He carried me through the storm and blessed me like never before.
I am burdened by a new group of terminal cancer patients that I’ve been learning about. The truth is that the doctors insist they’re dying because they are. Technically, anyway. It’s not the doctor’s faults, it’s the result of our fallen world. But as long as I live I will declare that only the Lord can number our days, and that no matter how small the frequency, once in awhile He pulls us out of the fire just in time. So it’s not true that everyone dies once it’s stage 4. Even if there’s just a .000000001 percent survival rate, it’s still something. If He did it for me, He can do it for you. Or your friends or loved ones. So, please keep praying for God’s miraculous interventions in the lives of all the sick people we know. And keep believing in and expecting those miracles, just like the faithful followers who went before us.
“Very truly I tell you, whoever believes in me will do the works I have been doing, and they will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father.” John 14:12