Love is…Restoration

Well, I’m not sure if you gathered this from my last several posts, but I’ve been struggling with depression. I tried to suck it up, berated myself for not being faithful enough or gracious enough to get out of it. At the time I thought many of my physical problems were related to a lack of estrogen, and that short of taking estrogen (which hugely increases my breast cancer recurrence rate), I was stuck. I prayed so much that He would restore what the locusts had destroyed, but I thought that meant a miraculous type of healing, or a leap of faith to take estrogen. His plan was better, though. To shorten this story, I learned that the lack of estrogen interferes with serotonin production and after praying and having one of the clearest answers EVER, I started taking Cymbalta (an antidepressant that is also prescribed for fibromyalgia and arthritis).

It’s only been a week now and everything is transformed. My mood is only one of the many problems that has been relieved. The restless leg syndrome I had at night is completely gone, much of my cognitive disruption improved, and on most days I have none of the joint pain I was struggling with. Plus, I am able to hear so much better from God! I was afraid that the medicine would numb me and give me false peace, but instead it’s cutting through the nonsense to what’s important.

Years ago we had a pastor who told us about the stigma and judgment regarding depression and antidepressants, and the Lord has reminded me of that every night since I started it. So, today I recognized that it’s time to do my part in putting it all out there. Maybe the Lord chose me to struggle with it just so others could recognize they are in good company. God cares for each of us, and no matter what your problems are, there is an answer. He will share it with you. It isn’t necessarily medication, but it is always some version of love. He is love and there is nothing you can do to make Him love you less. The blood of Jesus can make you clean and lovable. If you don’t know how, just ask.

“I will be found by you,” declares the LORD, “and I will restore your fortunes and will gather you from all the nations and from all the places where I have driven you,” declares the LORD, “and I will bring you back to the place from where I sent you into exile.” Jeremiah 29:14