I can’t believe it’s been five years since I was healed! Despite tons of tests and false alarms to get the anxiety rushing, there has never been even one result that came back as cancer. The result of every biopsy, x-ray, PET scan, ultrasound, bone scan, and blood tumor marker work-up has testified that the Lord miraculously removed every cell of cancer from my body, blood stream, organs, and bones. Remember when a well-known and respected oncologist told me I will never be cancer-free for even a day ? I will never forget that. And I will never forget that, from the world’s standards she was right. But from the Creator’s point of view, laws of nature are not an issue.
It’s been 5 years now: 1,826 days of health. 1,826 days of evidence that God always has the final word. 1,826 times that my bones, blood, and organs declared the healing of the Lord. According to the blog view tracker, some part of the story of His healing was declared 288,649 times, plus all those times it was verbally reported. His story resounded through all the states and at least 18 different countries. Once again, He fulfilled His promise from Ezekiel 38:23, “So I will show my greatness and my holiness and make myself known in the eyes of many nations. Then they will know that I am the Lord.” He does this all the time with weak sinners like me, please don’t think I’m taking any sort of credit, I’m just boasting in my Lord.
I have frequently written about all the things He has taught me through this journey, but it was only recent that He showed me what is so big in my own life–pride. It’s in my heart, fighting for self-sufficiency. For control. I’m stubborn. Worthless on my own. I see my inabilities now, and how quickly I had tried to claim credit for my “successes” in the past. I am constantly posed to wander, but slow to listen. These are all things I thought I had conquered long ago. I was so blinded by my self-righteousness that I had no clue they were even lurking, let alone were at work within me.
It hasn’t been fun to recognize these things about me. Sometimes it’s felt like I lost my foundation. The despair and frustration felt deeper than His love for me. Finally the other day I asked Him for hope, and He immediately obliged, and pointed out, “Such is the confidence that we have through Christ toward God. Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God, who has made us sufficient to be ministers of a new covenant, not of the letter but of the Spirit. For the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.” (2 Corinthians 3:4-6).
This hope doesn’t mean anything when we are living as mighty warriors ourselves. When we think we can conquer all things with enough focus and aptitude. When we blame circumstances instead of ourselves for our failings. But when we get to the bottom of our strength, we see that we truly aren’t worthy. I don’t mean, “not as worthy as Him”. I mean, truly, we are not worthy. When we can finally and fully accept that truth, like Jonathan’s son did when he asked David, “What is your servant, that you should show regard for a dead dog such as I?” (2 Samuel 9:8), we can at last appreciate the full satisfaction of the Lord.
I’m so grateful that He started showing me this truth with the shocking diagnosis of incurable cancer, and that He didn’t give up me as I stubbornly refused to submit to the reality of my weakness in more than five years since then. Most of all, I’m so glad that He chose a dead dog such as I to display His glorious works of healing so I could really know, love, appreciate, and share about Him for many more days.